Did you hear that? Yes, the day has come.
Today is the last BtB ever.
Angles will fall from their celestial seats in desperate spirals toward earth, their wings tattered and useless; tidal waves of tears will meet at the very edges of the oceans to form one last suicidal tsunami and civilisation will be snuffed out like a retiring Nightwatchman’s candle.
This, is the end…
…until the new year and then we will move to Tuesday’s and ‘Tell it like it is’!
Phew. Thought I was going to have to slap you then. You should know by now we don’t take no shit here.
Right, let’s get on with it.
They say you should go out with a bang, so go out with a bang we will.
Last week, I let you have a sneaky peek at the greatest Christmas film ever made.
This week, I’m gonna give you the greatest Christmas tale ever told:
‘A Christmas Carol’ by Charles Dickens.
I am very proud to say that the inspiration for this story came when Mr. D visited a little town not too many miles from where I live, called Malton, North Yorkshire. Rumour has it that he often visited a good friend and his wife there and that is where he got the idea for his novella from. Cool huh?
The good folk of Malton have, just days ago, bought back an original, inscribed copy of the book to the town. When his friend died, he wrote in a copy for his widow: ”To Mrs Smithson from Charles Dickens April 18 1844’’ (For a writer, he didn’t have much to say did he? Incidentally, that day happens to be my birthday. DAY, I said, not date!) and when the people of Malton saw that the book had been put up for sale, they rallied round to raise the money to bring it home. You can read about that here.
Of course, I jest with you, there was an apparently emotional and heartfelt letter included with the book but no-one has ever found it.
Now look, I am not going to tell you what the story’s about, you MUST HAVE/HAVE TO HAVE/BETTER HAVE/OUGHT TO HAVE read the book or at least, seen the film or the play. If not, then what the hell are you doing here? Shoo! Go on, be off with you and hang your obviously empty heads in shame. Tsk!
I mean, come on! Really?
What I am going to tell you to do, is read it/watch it again and think about the message. Sure, there is more than one hidden in among the chain rattling and the burning of the midnight oil, but the underlying theme is quite simple: Family. Without them, you’re nothing.
Not only would you not be here and not be who you are today, but you would also look a bit daft sitting in your Christmas jumper (that you’d have bought yourself) with your tissue-like party hat askew on your head, about to dive into a golden-basted bird on your lonesome.
Oh and be nice to people, you never know when they’re gonna rock up wearing a sheet over their head woo-wooing at the foot of your bed.
Well, once again, my work here is done. I have faithfully steered you lot clear of the crap and charted your dung-dodging course through the bowels of bullshit, every Sunday for the last year. It’s time for you to go it alone.
I have faith in you, little ones. For I have taught you well.
Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and remember: Always, ALWAYS steer clear of the shite.
Oh, and see you in 2013!
- Malton residents raise £27,000 to ‘bring home’ signed copy of A Christmas Carol (independent.co.uk)
- Signed Dickens book ‘to go home’ (bbc.co.uk)